because i fear people i've met may have not even seen me
it's not fair you know. there's no one to talk to. it's always awkward. always. whether because i word things abstractly or others' separate ideologies/disorders. they always go away.

i think everyone deserves at least one person you know?
damn sense of human entitlement, i know.

it's been a rough week as well. lack of sleep and food. absence of physical affection something.

and on friday i have my only ap test which i will likely do incredibly mediocre on and thus will have wasted the past year in taking the course.

hey look! it's me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
throw in a few, nothing ever truly changes, there's no truth,and no universal set of beliefs ideas and it is me inside that nutshell.

yeah.
i'd hate to be all emotionally vulnerable and shite but all i really want right now is a boy who cares about me.
I realise and i know there's no hope. and comfort in someone's arms would be preferable.
"as i fall into your arms' tracks and watch beneath my eyelids every passing dot." ahahaha

instead, we self-medicate and skip from frame to frame. the joy de vivre in illicit substances.

kidding of course, kidding.
but...
"To be shaken out of the ruts of ordinary perception, to be shown for a few timeless hours the outer and inner world, not as they appear to an animal obsessed with survival or to a human being obsessed with words and notions, but as they are apprehended, directly and unconditionally, by Mind at Large— this is an experience of inestimable value to everyone and especially to the intellectual."

Because I is somebody else.